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40 dates and counting!!

A year after the death of my husband, I joined the  Widowed mom coaching group and while doing so, I decided to challenge myself and find love again.  I really thought it was gonna take me a few dates to find “my guy”. 

I want to share that it has been 4 years since I started dating. I have met incredible men. Sometimes I had felt very close to settling down , but  not really. 

Here I am!! Counting around 40  guys that I have met  from mostly dating apps during the last  three years. 

 I remember my coach saying that even if I didn't find love again, I would have gained other vital skills. 

Well, she was so much right!!!

Looking back I never considered myself  dating again in my 30’s. I used to believe that  “doing the right things” will keep disgrace away from my life.  So, I was a really good student  (not much rebellious behavior during my teen years) , got  a career, found a job, got married, and had my kid. 

And still one day I woke up and found myself living in a different reality; I was a widowed mom of a 35 day old boy and at age 32.  

I grieve and  I love.

That is the main difference. And  when  my brain goes to comparing my life with a single woman’s life, I remind myself of my circumstances. 

I also remind myself that “living” not only  requires personality, but the building of character skills.  Because character is what  has carried me throughout the  hard days. 

 I could have been an alcoholic, or given my child to my mom, just to continue functioning on autopilot, but I went for more. I went for reconnecting with my own potential because I absolutely believe that  my resilience is my superpower.  

So, while thinking  and laughing about myself  after meeting 40 guys on dates, I wrote these 5 audacious conclusions 

  1. I didn't think I was gonna become so comfortable with discomfort. I can't forget myself going on the first date. I was so scared and nervous. I didn't know what to ask or I held myself back from sharing important information about me like being a widowed mom. Now,  only  “hot” dates intimidate me, and  I have learned to manage my nerves very well. 

  1. I  didn't think I was gonna get clearer about my expectations and my boundaries for the relationship. I know the kind of woman that I am and what I bring to a relationship, so I better understand that the hesitation of others is about them, not about me.

  1. Coming from a Hispanic culture where  women are expected to obey/agree with their partner, I didn't think I was gonna be able to articulate my desires, my  wants without having to get upset with someone to be heard. But I wish you could hear me now!!

  1. I am more in control of my feelings and I express my concerns with more clarity and less self-judgment. I used to fear what my date would think of me if I would say what I wanted, but I have learned that telling the truth is an excellent filter. 

  1. I didn't think that I was gonna become such a good listener and ask questions directly to clarify my understanding. Now I finish my encounters and have less things to imagine because I ask what I need to know   even if I don't feel comfortable. 

PS: Send me a message and get some coaching because you can do more things than you think. 


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