A year after the death of my husband, I joined the Widowed mom coaching group and while doing so, I decided to challenge myself and find love again. I really thought it was gonna take me a few dates to find “my guy”.
I want to share that it has been 4 years since I started dating. I have met incredible men. Sometimes I had felt very close to settling down , but not really.
Here I am!! Counting around 40 guys that I have met from mostly dating apps during the last three years.
I remember my coach saying that even if I didn't find love again, I would have gained other vital skills.
Well, she was so much right!!!
Looking back I never considered myself dating again in my 30’s. I used to believe that “doing the right things” will keep disgrace away from my life. So, I was a really good student (not much rebellious behavior during my teen years) , got a career, found a job, got married, and had my kid.
And still one day I woke up and found myself living in a different reality; I was a widowed mom of a 35 day old boy and at age 32.
I grieve and I love.
That is the main difference. And when my brain goes to comparing my life with a single woman’s life, I remind myself of my circumstances.
I also remind myself that “living” not only requires personality, but the building of character skills. Because character is what has carried me throughout the hard days.
I could have been an alcoholic, or given my child to my mom, just to continue functioning on autopilot, but I went for more. I went for reconnecting with my own potential because I absolutely believe that my resilience is my superpower.
So, while thinking and laughing about myself after meeting 40 guys on dates, I wrote these 5 audacious conclusions
I didn't think I was gonna become so comfortable with discomfort. I can't forget myself going on the first date. I was so scared and nervous. I didn't know what to ask or I held myself back from sharing important information about me like being a widowed mom. Now, only “hot” dates intimidate me, and I have learned to manage my nerves very well.
I didn't think I was gonna get clearer about my expectations and my boundaries for the relationship. I know the kind of woman that I am and what I bring to a relationship, so I better understand that the hesitation of others is about them, not about me.
Coming from a Hispanic culture where women are expected to obey/agree with their partner, I didn't think I was gonna be able to articulate my desires, my wants without having to get upset with someone to be heard. But I wish you could hear me now!!
I am more in control of my feelings and I express my concerns with more clarity and less self-judgment. I used to fear what my date would think of me if I would say what I wanted, but I have learned that telling the truth is an excellent filter.
I didn't think that I was gonna become such a good listener and ask questions directly to clarify my understanding. Now I finish my encounters and have less things to imagine because I ask what I need to know even if I don't feel comfortable.
PS: Send me a message and get some coaching because you can do more things than you think.